Sooner or later all of us must realise that only working on our ideas is a meaningful way of life, no matter how hard you try, you cannot bring yourself to work on other peoples ideas, no matter how good those ideas seem, or they promise, no true fulfilment will happen within you. Unless an idea can entirely become yours, the exceptional work is simply not possible in any capacity, no matter how high the ideals are set, the work ethic it might inspire or suggest, there will be simply no permanence to it, which lifts human spirit.
Recently I have been grappling with the idea of working hard, the crazy hours, the due share of labours which I have paid well over the last couple of years, after a while it all starts to die down. The promised land where it all becomes easy, where your work nurtures your soul, where it stats to build into your identity, that point seems always further and further, its never becomes fulfilling.
I originally borrowed my ideas of working hard in recent memory from great inventors like Edison, Dyson who each have to make upwards of 10,000 and 5000 prototypes, before becoming successful with their ideas. That’s just exceptionally crazy amount of work to do, I originally set out to cultivate this work ethic to at least match this level of commitment, while I have done my fair share of mindless, directionless crazy work, but its never self sustaining, it always comes at a great cost of time, effort and energy, there is simply no internal beauty about it, just an emptiness. With no clear aim, definition or desire, its all useless.
What I have come to realise for myself is that unless an idea is entirely mine, its of my own making, lasting this many crazy number of hours, building these many prototypes, is just a pipe dream. With no emotional, purposeful ecosystem of yours own to sustain yourself through all of this, you will collapse, you will really die young, you will really cull your life force which is creativity, which enthusiasm, which is love, care and compassion towards your fellow human beings. An idea must entirely become yours before you can really commit to it. Its much better to relax, reminisce about life, discover its greatest pleasures, than wasting away your life, culling your enthusiasm, to realise it never really has been your path to follow. However you can take great confidence in knowing that if someday such an idea come to possess you, you have this ability to last this crazy distance or die trying. A sate of being where hard-work is no labour, where hard-work is life itself, where it is the meaning of life. Only relaxing towards it is also seemingly the quickest way towards it, while its done in your space, while its done for you.
Neomodern 